Sliding Into the Panic Pool

I had the best intentions Saturday: I had arranged to take five of the refugee kids to a swimming pool. It was going to be a new and exciting adventure, another experience to open up their world since none of them had ever been to a pool. For one of the kids, it turned out to be a scary, traumatic experience and probably turned her off of pools and swimming for a long time, if not the rest of her life. I feel terrible about it.

Knowing the kids would not have bathing suits, I bought them all suits before coming to their neighborhood. Karen women and girls are modest, so I bought each girl a one-piece. I didn’t bring my bathing suit because I felt I would be a too exposed to wear it in front of them. When the two older girls (9 and 11) tried on their suits, they immediately covered up them up with long pants and shirts. They complained that the suits were too tight. I pulled on their straps and they didn’t seem too tight, but for someone who has never worn a bathing suit, I could see why it felt that way.

I had talked Scott into driving out in his truck so we could take everyone without me having to make a separate trip. I’m glad he came for many reasons. Unbeknownst to us, the pool had a rule that the youngest, Kay Lee, could not go into the pool area without an adult in a bathing suit. It is a ridiculous rule, when the only place someone her age would go was the wading pool that was no more than six inches deep and had a lifeguard standing in it. Since I didn’t have my suit with me, and Kay Lee’s mom certainly had not planned on getting in the water, it meant that Kay Lee couldn’t go in. I argued with the manager for a while, asking if I could just stand at the edge of the wading pool in my capris and flip-flops, but the manager insisted I needed swimwear. The only solution that I could see was sending Scott out to a nearby store to buy basketball shorts so he could be dressed properly for Kay Lee to be allowed to enter. I tried to explain to Kay Lee’s mom that she and Kay Lee had to wait in the lobby while Scott bought a bathing suit. I handed the boys a couple of towels and pointed them towards the men’s dressing room and led the girls into the women’s dressing room. The girls were very self-conscious when they stripped down to their suits. They kept pulling them down lower on their legs.

The boys met us on the pool deck. Ten-year-old Noah loves playing in the ocean and has no fear of the water. He immediately climbed the stairs to the water park-type slide that was there. It was the kind where you have to lay on your back with your arms crossed as a gush of water sloshes you down the twisty slide and dumps you into a shallow pool. All the other kids followed Noah up the stairs without any hesitation. I thought this was brave for the girls, who have not been with us to the beach and had no previous experience that I know of in water, but they were already half-way up the ladder by the time I thought this out. Noah went first and loved it. He splashed into the pool, put his feet down and made his way out, only to climb the stairs again for another turn. His brother came next. He had no trouble either. Dawk, the older girl shot down the slide and I could see her struggle a little to get to the edge where I was standing. I yelled for her to put her feet down. Once she did, she was fine. Then came her nine-year-old sister, Ko.

 I have seen Ko several times in the year and a half that I have been working with the kids. She has not wanted to go on field trips with me because she has said she is scared. When I was stuffing her clothes into the dressing room locker, she told me she was scared. I’ve seen her cry often if something is scary or foreign to her. She is a very sensitive girl, who happens to have some fear of this strange city called San Diego. I’m sure I would be the same if I were her and was transplanted as a young child to a completely foreign place. I remember how scared I felt each of the five times I had to start at a new elementary school yet at least everyone spoke the same language that I did. I feel an affinity to Ko, who is brave enough to say she is scared.

She came down the slide with her arms crossed over her chest, just as the lifeguard instructed her to do, and splashed into the water. She immediately started struggling, because she didn’t know she could put her feet down and walk out. She kept her head up for the most part, but I could see panic on her face as she thrashed. I was yelling for her to put her feet down and started to go in to the pool with my clothes on. A lifeguard jumped into the pool, grabbed her arm and led her out. Ko was shaken. She had swallowed some water, and was breathing hard. Another lifeguard came over and walked us to the office. They closed the slide pool until the incident report was taken. Ko was silent. She didn’t even cry. She felt rigid under my arm. She may have been in shock. In the office, a lifeguard asked her for her name, age, address, etc. He kept asking her if she was all right because she was so still and silent. I sat with my arm around her and told her over and over that she was very brave. I’m not sure what she thought of having to give the report. Did she think she was in trouble, like going to the principal’s office? It was impossible to know what was going through her head. She kept putting her finger in her ear because she was troubled by the water that was trapped in there.

After they released us, I asked her if she wanted to get dressed, which she did. I wished I had my suit on, so I could lead her back to the shallow end, and hopefully get her back in the water. Once she was dressed, she said she wanted to go home.  By this time Scott had called me and told me he had bought some suitable shorts. Kay Lee and her mother were nowhere to be found. They had left the lobby.

I drove Ko the two miles home. A long time ago I had to call my friend to tell her that my dog had bit her son in the face. Walking up to Ko’s apartment felt similar to that experience.  Ko opened the screen door and collapsed onto the couch, but was still eerily silent. I tried to explain to her mom what happened, but decided to leave it to Ko. I had to get back to the pool and the other kids. And where was Kay Lee and her mom?

Driving back to the pool, I saw May and her daughter Kay Lee walking along on the sidewalk. May was carrying the bright pink towel on her head that I had given Kay Lee. They were almost home. I stopped the car and told them that Scott could go into the pool with Kay Lee because he had a suit now. Kay Lee was very excited. Her enthusiasm made me feel a little better. When we got to the pool, the three other kids were dressed and leaving. Where they were planning on going, I don’t know…  I guess they were going to walk home, too. I’m so glad I caught them before they made the trek. Such a mix up! I told them that Kay Lee was going in the pool now, and asked if they would like to go back in the pool.

Back in the pool went Noah and Dawk. Tomtom, Noah’s older brother, didn’t want to go back in the water because his eyes stung from the chorine. He joined his mom and me on the bench in the wading pool area and we watched his little sister, Kay Lee,  splash and play and jump in the wading pool. She had a great time and really enjoyed the little slide and fountains. She is fearless, like her older brother Noah.

Scott went in the big pool with Noah and Dawk. He played with them and helped them float on their backs. Both Noah and Dawk had a lot of fun jumping around in the waist-deep part of the pool.

Even though everyone except Ko had a good time, I still feel responsible for her traumatic experience. Of all kids for that to happen to, it had to happen to the one that carries the most fear. I’ve been replaying the day over in my head and wonder why I let them go on the slide before they had even gotten wet. I berate myself for not being more sensitive to Ko, and for not communicating better with Kay Lee’s mom so they didn’t feel they had to walk home, and for not being able to keep the kids in the pool while I took Ko home.

Next time we go to the pool, I’m going to wear a bathing suit, and hopefully talk Ko into going with me again. If there is a next time.