Mikayla left today for Israel with birthright.org. This is the trip that Ben took when he graduated high school, one that changed the trajectory of his life. I don't think the tour, nor the country will do the same to Mikayla; she seems less maleable, less influenced by things. I don't doubt that it will alter her in some way inwardly and am looking forward to observing that change. Ben is much more passionate in general than Mikayla and she is more level-headed than Ben. They compliment eachother in so many ways. Together they fill out a fuller spectrum the human potential.

Mikayla gets home in two weeks, has 4 days to tie up all her loose ends and say goodbye to her frriends before we head up to the Pacific Northwest to take her to college. I think instead of empty-nest-syndrome falling on me, I will feel like I am falling out of the nest and will land with a thud. It will be perched so high on a limb that there will be no way to climb back in. It is not only the kids, but me that will have to learn how to get along on my own. I have been handling it pretty well, thinking of all the things I will do to fill my time between their visits. Making lists is a great way for me to avoid feeling.

I miss Mikayla now, but am more caught up in the vicarious excitement of her trip than thinking of her being gone. I will follow her itinary everyday. There is last minute college stuff to do for her, like mailing some of her things to the school. I still need to make last minute reservations for that trip. Lists of things to do helps me cope. It gives me purpose and a sense of connection, instead of the feeling of disconnection. After we get back from taking her to school, I need to focus on helping Ben move up to Davis. Maybe we'll rent a U-Haul and I will help him drive it up. That will take up my time for part of September.

We still have Andy living with us, which means the house won't be dry of young energy. I think I will be okay with Mikayla in college. She was feeling a little sad the other night about going away and not seeing any of us for so long. I told her that we will still be just as connected, but will need to perfect other ways of staying in touch, like long talks on the phone, instant messaging and emailing. I will miss our nightly chats in bed, our routine dinners together, knowing her on a day-to-day basis, and just having her sanguine energy saturate the house and lift the mood. But if I think of all that too much, I will get sad, and I prefer to live in the excitement of her life at this time.

Tomorrow Mikayla will be on her way to the country that everyone I know who has ever gone loves it and feels at home there. I remember so clearly when Ben called me from his tour and said that he wasn't coming home. Will Mikayla feel that strongly? Let's wait and see.