Empty Nest Syndrome

I have taken on issues at work that have only made me feel worse. Nothing was resolved and I don’t feel like I am a better person for fighting these losing fights. I need an attitude adjustment. Just go to work, do a good job and leave without getting involved in the politics. That is what I used to do, and now for some reason I am taking things much too seriously. Work follows me home at night, like a stray dog. I can’t seem to leave the stray dog of work outside. It invades my mind with what I should do, haven’t done, need to do, next meeting/deadline/project… Is this because I don’t have my kids to focus on much anymore, since they moved out? Is this part of Empty Nest Syndrome that no one told me about, that I would obsess over something unpleasant to fill up some of my thinking time when I am unnaturally alone?

I have a feeling of dissatisfaction with my life right now. I am not sure if it is just fantasy or real. You probably think life is pretty good for me. And I am sure it is, but something is vaguely but pervasively missing. I am going to attribute it to Empty Nest Syndrome. On the surface I am doing just fine with it. Ben and Mikayla both like being college students in their respective colleges. They are living full and enriching lives, learning a lot both in and out of class, both on and off campus. We talk regularly, and our talks are often deep and meaningful. So what is wrong with me?

I want to go back to school. You would think it would be easy for me to figure out the steps I need to enroll, since I helped Ben and Mikayla apply to several schools, of which they got accepted to most, and finally enrolled in their top choice. But for some reason, I find the process of getting myself enrolled overwhelming. None of the excuses I can think of make any logical sense, like: it has been a long time since I took a class; I am not smart enough to do college now; I don’t have the time; I don’t know where to begin. I argue with myself over all of these, when I am trying to push work out of my mind.

As you can see, my mind is not a pleasant place to be right now. I think that Empty Nest Syndrome is not just an adjustment, I think that it hits a deep well, tapping into the water table of what is life’s purpose. At least it is doing that to me.

Maybe I should have read a book on Empty Nest Syndrome so that I would have been prepared for the steps it takes for someone like me to get my rudder back in the water of life.