Role Playing

Last night at the end of dinner, Mikayla and I fell into familiar role playing. I became the college admissions officer and she was a prospective college student on an interview. I asked her the Sample College Interview Questions that she downloaded from the internet and gave her pointers like, "don't let your eyes dart everywhere, try to stay focused." "Yes, it is okay to look away, but not so frequently." She would break her answers with commentary like, "It is good we are practicing this." We both took our roles very seriously (accept for the real-time editing) and did not let the ringing telephone interrupt us. It was not pretend. We were immersed.

Role playing has been a good tool for us. It allows me to stay objective (I am not mom lecturing, I am someone else) and it gives Mikayla the freedom to be someone who is not the usual Mikayla.

When Mikayla was in kindergarten, she had a friend whom she liked to spend time with but was too shy around her bustling, large family to feel comfortable. It made her very uncomfortable if she was planning on going to her friend's house and she knew that her friend's older siblings were going to be there. I think this is where role playing first became important. Mikayla would act out Brave Mikayla and I would act out Shy Mikayla. Shy Mikayla and Brave Mikayla would have a conversation until the real Mikayla would feel comfortable going. As I kissed her good-bye in situations like this, I would say that Shy Mikayla is going to stay home with me and I would watch Brave Mikayla climb into her friend's car and drive off with the sounds of several kids streaming out the windows.

At other times I was the new dance teacher, the gymnastics carpool kids who she was shy to talk to, or the third grade teacher. In third grade, the kids would stand in a circle and do "mental math" where the teacher would throw a beanbag to a student and ask them a math question. The student had to answer the question, catch the beanbag and toss it back. Although Mikayla could do the math, this pressure stressed her out. So one day, I took on the role of Mrs. Holden. We worked through Mikayla talking to her teacher about her fear of the game. Somehow, Mikayla ended up being the beanbag tosser.

Adolescence has brought on many opportunities to role play. I have been the kids on campus as Mikayla walked on in ninth grade not knowing anyone, I have been the boy who has a crush on her and won't leave her alone, and I have been the teacher who accused her of plagiarism. When Mikayla wanted to quit piano lessons, I became her piano teacher whom she had to tell. Often, we switch roles. I am the piano student who wants to quit and Mikayla is the teacher questioning my motives.

We have had an ongoing skit that we sometimes play in the car on long drives. She is the spoiled brat who wants the new Lexus in a custom color, and I am the mother who indulges her every wish. The mom is fairly helpless and much too indulgent. This way, Mikayla gets to be the spoiled wayward teenager with the bad boyfriend. Acting out the darker side of being a teenager has diffused the need to actually indulge in it.

Using role playing instead of lecture has allowed us to "play" with serious issues. It separates us from the issues. Sometimes being mom and daughter gets in the way of solving problems. Sometimes it is more helpful and certainly more fun to take on other roles.